“To the girls, to the women, to the mothers, to the daughters who hear the music bubbling within, please speak up, we need to hear your voices.“ —composer Hilda Guðnadóttir
I am sometimes mistaken for my narrators, most of whom are women, some of whom are blonde like me, all of whom have something to say—often in first person.
First Person:
- Ashley St. Helens (narrator of The Souls of Her Feet)
Winner of the Shoes, a Mirror, and a Big Pink Rose “my fairytale reality” musical contest - Cosima Zanardi (narrator of The Vesuvian Affair)
A Wiccan Dr. of Theology & international woman of mystery - Dr. Jayne Hart (narrator of Jayne With a Why – forthcoming)
Author of , I, Uterus: Apocryphal Writings by Philosophers’ Women & former pregnant philosophy student. - Dr. & Mrs. Penelope Id (author of Kid is 2/3 Id and Dr. Id’s Magic Sleep Recipe)
A hundred-year-old renegade psychiatrist - Kristella Frizzante – a Freelance Italian Spokesmodel who gets cast in a silent film.
- Mister Chance (narrator of Mister Chance’s School of Charm)
A cross-dressing society matron who infiltrates secret societies—and then begins one. - Nettie Pendragon (narrator of The Reason She Left)
A college dropout, a questioning mind, awakening to the path of knowledge vs. wisdom. - Una Pulmonis (reads “The Sleach” at Heart of the Muse)
A consumptive goth poetess
Other characters
Here’s a secret: all my characters are actually me. (Metaphysically, so are you.) In alphabetical order:
- Dr. Mädchen Märch – professor of Folklore at Castleton College in The Souls of Her Feet)
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Ellie Bay of the East Bay is the subject of a fake apocryphal poem by historic literary lights. Find it in my chapbooks.
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Emily Egg – a patient and passive ovum is annoyed by her overly enthusiastic suitor, in Sammy Sperm’s Guide to Safe Sex, but expresses her gender in Emily Egg’s Guide to Fashion and her spirit in Emily Egg’s FairyGoddessPriestessAngel Newage Coloring Calendar.
- Harry Carrington/Carrie D’Aweigh – a human rights lawyer by day this weekend drag queen steals the show in
- The Souls of Her Feet musical and book.
- Katrina Himmelstein – the lead singer of Strüwwelpeter, the Hessian Metal Rock band, bursts onto the scene in The Dirndl Diaspora.
- Linda Loveland – a budding psychospiritual vodcaster who tamed a beast with love in The Number of the Beast, 3rd in the Fairytale Reality series (forthcoming).
- Lotus LaRoux – a siren from the twenties who made a Baron explode from desire in The Ballad of Lotus Laroux.
- Nevada LeBlanc – A Liberal Artist hiding for her life in Mirror Imag(in)e, second in the Fairytale Reality series (forthcoming).
- Renaissance Woman – the superheroine who came to life in Perfectly Revolting: My Glamorous Cartooning Career, get the poster.
- Sammy Sperm – a gamete seeking to express his gender in The Real World Adventures of Sammy Sperm, and to do the right thing in Sammy Sperm’s Guide to Safe Sex.
- Savannah James – proprietress of The Dirndl Diaspora who turns her German ancestry into fashion fantasy.
- Ted/Tex – hero of Ted’s Tender Trophy, a veal-hunting adventure.
- The Artist & The Muse – sparring partners in the play, Be Mused.
- Vesuviette – avatar of the goddess Vesuvia in The Vesuvian Affair, also featured in the forthcoming Ten Days, Ten Pounds.
Real people:
- Alexa, Jenny, Fabio, Gina, Leah, Sara, Emily, Davide, etc. are in the cast of characters appearing in my memoir, Ten Days, Ten Pounds.
- Enzo is what I call my son in Life in the Fast Brain.
- Dr. Louise Hart is my mother. I helped craft and amplify her voice in her books The Winning Family, On the Wings of Self-Esteem, and The Bullying Antidote.
- Damian and Felix are my brothers, also appearing in The Winning Family.
- Dave is his own voice and appears as himself in Ten Days, Ten Pounds, Life in the Fast Brain, On the Wings of Self-Esteem, and many of my blog posts.
- Joaquin Miller – “The Poet of the Sierras,” this Oakland icon is the subject of my singalong song and forthcoming picture book, Joaquin Miller Went Walkin‘
And then there’s me
I write my travel stories, blogs and essays in my own voice.
- Captain Kristen (stripe-wearing cat-choreographer in The Wind in Our Sails.)
President of the California Writers Club Berkeley Branch from 2017-2020. - Kristen Baumetc. – Me when I was a young cartoonist and funny person.
- KRS10 – An aspiring hip-hop star who settled for teaching Zumba.
- Polly Polkadot, America’s Friend – what my husband calls me, since I can’t walk up the street without checking in on neighbors and strangers, educating the community about human rights, idling habits, parenting, and fiber.
- The Bellevue Muse – appearing in Ten Days, Ten Pounds
Brought to you by
- Generous Muse – the nickname I’ve given to my creative outpouring, Generous Muse is also the name of my Substack blog, (you can subscribe) and creative events and programs.
